Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Hot 'N Cold.

I feel like my life is like a revolving door. Always going and always changing. Revolving doors don't stop, new people come through them everyday without thinking twice about it. The people change constantly. Some of them only come through the door long enough to go back out while others go in and out the door everyday.
One thing that is super hard for me to deal with is change. When my life is going well I just want everything to stay that way. I don't like having to get used to new things. Very rarely do I see change as good. When I think of change is has a negative connotation. Which is wrong because its been proven to me that some change can be so rewarding and so worth it. But for some reason I have a really hard time handling change. And not just my own change but the people in my life changing.
I know it happens, and I've gone through plenty of change myself, but I just have a difficult time dealing with people close to me changing. Like when you meet someone and they are just so happy and funny and goofy and then a couple months later you realize you haven't heard them laugh in awhile. Or they just turn into a negative person or grow distant. There comes a point where I start to blame myself and think that maybe I'm the reason they are being like this. Maybe something I did or said hurt them or affected them. Or maybe my mere presence in their life is a negative one. I know thats over dramatic but honestly that is where my mind goes when someone I'm close to grows distant. I know life is hard sometimes, and I completely understand going through times of turmoil and difficulty. It is just depressing to me to see someone going through that.
I'm a fixer. I want to fix everything. Even things that aren't in my power, like taking something back or someone being sick. I hate having things out of my control. And when someone is sad or going through a hard personal time I don't know what to say or do to make it go away. And most of the time there is nothing that I could say or do to fix it. This is especially hard when its someone I care about deeply. I'm one of those people that wants everyone else to be happy even if I'm dying on the inside.
It's quite frustrating honestly and I really wish I could find a way to get over.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

And This Will Be A Sign To You.

Luke 1:26-38

In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. 28The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

29Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. 31You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. 32He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."

34"How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I am a virgin?"

35The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[c] the Son of God. 36Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. 37For nothing is impossible with God."

38"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her.

Luke 2:1-20

1In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3And everyone went to his own town to register.

4So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

The Shepherds and the Angels
8And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. 11Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. 12This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

13Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
14"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

15When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."

16So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas Cheer.

I've talked about how proud I am to be a member of Central many many times. I just really am. I am so grateful and blessed to be a part of this amazing community and staff.

Since I am the Global and Local Outreach assistant I get to see all the wonderful things our church does for the community. For those of you that have seen my office you know that my building is quite tiny and most of the time cluttered with overflow from the either global or local projects.

Well, for the past month my entire office building has been packed to the brim with christmas presents. Every year around christmas time we do a couple different projects such as, Project Angel Tree or Adopt-a-Family. The congregation gets together to help out those in need. With the economy being the way it is this year we were quite worried about what kind of response we would get to these projects. I am so proud to say that Central really stepped it up and did above and beyond what we asked.

I've had multiple people come into my office and hand me checks for hundreds of dollars just to donate to help buy these presents. The other day I had a lady come in and tell me how her and her husband struggled all year and then right around this season they had been able to afford all of their bills and provide for christmas for their family. She said they had some extra money left over and wanted to donate it. She stood there and wrote me a check for $200. It honestly almost brought tears to my eyes. This family that could have very well used that money decided to help out someone else.

Throughout the past two weeks we have had nearly 100 families from the community come in to our office to ask for help to provide christmas for their families and we have been able to help every single one. And the church itself didn't have to spend one penny. The congregation provided it all.

It has been worth all of the clutter and mess and dora the explorer dolls to be able to see a smile on the face of a single mother of 4 or a disabled and unemployed father or a women who had to donate her plasma for money just so she could pay her bills.

It's been an amazing and humbling experience and again, I am just so proud to be a staff person and a member here.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Quick Thought.

"La vita e bella; la vita e amore. "
Life is beautiful; life is love.
-from the movie "Life is Beautiful"

Monday, December 15, 2008

Two of Three


After my feelings of hurt and frustration, I got to be happy again. I honestly have amazing friends. I can not even say how lucky I truly am to have friends that will be there no matter what.

Even though we don't see each other often, my girls from high school will always be my best friends. It's hard when our schedules are all so different and we are living such different lives but when it does work out for us to get together its like we never left.

The girls that actually made the time to see me while I was in town last night are absolutely wonderful :) We all complain when it doesn't work out but when the opportunity is available for us, I'm glad we can all get over our past frustration and just enjoy being with each other.

Like we were saying last night, when we said best friends we meant that in 30 years from now if we needed each other we would still be there for each other in a heart beat, And I know that its true. We have all been through so much together and really grown up in the past 4 years but we've stuck together. And while we have made other friends, I know that we will always have each other.

I just love you girls :)

Sunday, December 14, 2008

One of Three.

After having some time to think, I've decided I'm ready to let it out. Last night I had the biggest rush of emotions in my life. I've never gone from that upset to that happy to that frustrated to that grateful that fast. Within 5 hours I think I experienced every emotion possible.

I'm going to write 3 separate blogs going through each emotion. Here's the first:


This is probably going to piss some people off, cause some controversy or maybe even be used in a sermon, but i'm ok with that. I am far enough removed now that I could honestly care less if these feelings or my words get to certain people and they feel offended.

Alot of you may know about a certain situation I went through at a church about a year and a half ago. Still thinking back on it, I have never felt more betrayed, hurt, used, or stabbed in the back. I never understood how someone who is supposed to be leading a church and a group of people could do so much damage to a specific family out of pure dislike. I still don't understand how they could ever have justified their actions by their position of leadership. This person to this day still disgusts me. I don't know if I have ever had such harsh feelings for anyone else in my entire life. These events were so heart shattering that I began to question my faith and left church altogether.

There is so much I could say about this individual but I'm trying not to stoop to their level. Because unlike this person I don't talk about their personal life and spread rumors and take other people's words for truth when I really have no idea.

These things were not done just to me. This person attacked my whole family. That is something I am just not ok with. Now, I'm not saying my family is perfect, we definitely are not, but I will say that my parents live their lives above reproach. My parents are 2 of the strongest Christians I know and try every single day to live their lives to honor God. And that is something they have instilled in us kids. Although we slip up, we always find our way back. So when someone accuses my parents of doing something that is complete garbage I find it disgusting. Just because your "friend" told you this does not mean its true. If you are leading a church, you need to do as the bible says and go directly to the source. I put "friend" in quotations because i find it quite ironic where this person is now.

I can't say this is all bad. Because the greatest thing to ever happen to me came from all of this. Because my parents are people of God, they turned to him in this and found where God wanted them to be. Through all this, my parents made the decision to leave that place. They stepped out and stepped into a new place I like to call Home.

Out of all of the yuck and hurt, my family found Central Christian Church of the East Valley. I honestly cannot express my gratitude for this place. It restored my faith and my very fast diminishing relationship with Christ. I have never been more proud to be a member of any church. I have never felt God more present or more the focus any other place. At Central it's not about popularity, its about meeting Jesus. It's not a place where we focus on the staff or the rules or what people say, we focus on the people and their relationship with God. The leadership and staff truly live God-honoring lives. They use the bible as a teaching tool rather than a way to enforce rules or call people out on their sins.

All I have to say is Thank You. Thank you to that place and those people that have tried to break my entire family down over the past 2 years. We aren't even there anymore and you are still talking about us. Now that every member of my family is gone, I hope you are happy. Because I know we are. And you're latest decision was really more of a blessing, because now they can get out of that place where they were not being blessed and move on with their lives which are going to be so much better without you in them.

Friday, December 12, 2008

You First.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. [Philippians 2:3]

I learned a lesson today. I don't know if I have ever had a day like today before. Where I can honestly look back on this exact day and say I learned that lesson that day. But i think I will always remember today.

I realized I am a selfish person. Completely and utterly selfish. I think about myself over anyone else. I don't take into account their feelings or what they are going through. I try and make it sound like all I care about is them but I really just look out for myself and my wishes.

I also realized what its like to put someone else before myself. In all of my relationships in life, friends, family, boyfriends, I have ALWAYS put myself first. Today I realized I don't want to do that. God tells us to put others before ourselves but I guess I never truly have.

Today someone put me first. They chose me over their own want and desire. I have never ever felt that before. It's different when its your parents. But when its someone that doesn't have to love you but they chose to love you its a whole another story.

This action alone made me realize I am a stupid, selfish person. I don't want to be that anymore. I want to put the people that I care about before myself. I need to think about others and their feelings and their wants before mine. I can suck it up and get over it but its the mere fact that I have decided that they mean more to me than I mean to myself.

In the Sex and the City movie Samantha breaks up with her boyfriend and says "I love you, but I love me more." It's hillarious in the movie, but I NEVER want to be like that in real life. And when you find that person that makes you want to put your own desires behind theirs its worth it. When you find someone that makes you want to be a better person its such an eye opener.

I definitely had my eyes opened today. I need to work on this.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Sad Day in Phoenix.

My worst fear of the past 4 years came true today.

The Suns acquired dynamic shooting guard Jason Richardson today in a trade with the Charlotte Bobcats that will also bring second-year forward Jared Dudley and a 2010 second-round draft choice to the Suns in exchange for shooting guard Raja Bell, forward Boris Diaw and rookie point guard Sean Singletary.

For those of you that know me closely, you know that I am a HUGE Phoenix Suns fan. You also know that I am completely in LOVE with Raja Bell. Since my very first Sun's game in Jonathan's living room, I have been obsessed with him. Absolutely crazy about him.

Today, my friend Dustin sent me a text message saying that Ra Ra had been traded. I did not believe it and thought it was a cruel joke like the many other times people have told me this. I went to and read the news for myself.

This sounds totally crazy but I am actually physically sad. I feel like someone just died. This season my obsession with the Suns has simmered a little bit but now I just don't think I can watch a game. I was sad when the Marion/Shaq trade occured but this one is more personal than that even. My friends know I always called Raja my "husband" because I swear I am going to marry that man one day, but now the chances are slimming with him moving across the country.

I'm just sad. Goodbye Raja. :(

Friday, December 5, 2008

An Ugly Sweater Party

So tonight the college group had an Ugly Sweater Party. It was beyond control. The sweaters that showed up were plain ridiculous. I am proud to say I participated and found a sweater at goodwill that will probably now be burned because it should never ever be worn in public again. Anyways, after snowboarding on the Wii and playing some very exciting games of WAH and Look Down Look Up, we went out side and had a snowball fight!! Mitch had found this place where they sell snowballs!! So we had 4 coolers full of snowballs and just went nuts in the courtyard. It was a blast!! But i will say I do not miss the snow. I've had my fill for the year now. Anyways, it was a super fun night and I just love my friends :)

Here are some pictures:

Ashley, Me, Amy and Kim!

All the girls in our hideous sweaters!

Me kicking Joe's butt at snowboarding on the Wii!!!


Joey and I in our matching red sweaters :)