Thursday, October 30, 2008

Vulnerability is not Captivating

I've recently started reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. To be honest, I was not really looking forward to it. I heard many mixed reviews. I was told that it was a "victim" book and I hate that soft mushy gushy stuff most of the time. The first 2 chapters were ok, nothing too special. The first chapter talked about how every woman wants 3 things: To be romanced. To play an irreplaceable part in an adventure. To unveil their beauty. Ya that makes sense but it was nothing too earth shattering.

Then the 3rd chapter came and hit me like a ton of bricks. It talks about Eve and her sin in the Garden. The first thing that really stuck out to me was how it points out that yes, Eve was persuaded into eating the fruit but it also says that "then she gave it to Adam, who was standing there with her." So there's Adam seeing his wife do this AND HE DOES NOTHING. It really got me thinking, isn't that typical?! The guy sees the girl falling into trouble and just stands by and watches it all happen. HE DOESN'T FIGHT FOR HER. And isn't that what every girl wants? To feel worthy of being fought for? I think so.

The chapter continues by talking about the "Fallen Eve" and how we as women take on one of two different defensive mechanisms of some kind. One is to be controlling and the other is to be desolate. For me, I am the controlling one. The book described me perfectly.
After getting hurt the controlling one refuses to be vulnerable. Check. She guards her heart against everyone including God. Check. She has to be in control of every situation for fear that things wont get done. Check. She blocks out any type of meaningful relationship for fear of being let down yet again. Check. She doesn't take risks for fear of being rejected. Check.
A little over a year ago I went through the most painful series of events in my life. (Most of you know alot of about this.) In response to that pain I turned into the controlling Fallen Eve. I pretty much said screw you to everyone in my life and especially to God. The next year following those events I was the epitome of controlling Eve. I hate the person I was. I don't even know who she was at all. The crazy thing is after all of that, it all went away when I came back to God. That's how I know things happen for a reason. When I had pushed God away I felt a void. I started trying to fill that void with other things but it was never completely filled until I let God back in.

My favorite verse is Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART, for it affects everything you do." For me I take that a little too seriously I think. At some point you have to let down our guard and let people in.

To me, being vulnerable is being weak. I hate that I think that way. I wish I could think of it as being honest. Without honesty where would we be? That's something I have to work on.

The desolate Fallen Eve is too vulnerable. She's needy and almost weak. Definitely not me.

The question is: How do we stop from turning into either of these Fallen Eves? Can we?