Vulnerability is not Captivating

I've recently started reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. To be honest, I was not really looking forward to it. I heard many mixed reviews. I was told that it was a "victim" book and I hate that soft mushy gushy stuff most of the time. The first 2 chapters were ok, nothing too special. The first chapter talked about how every woman wants 3 things: To be romanced. To play an irreplaceable part in an adventure. To unveil their beauty. Ya that makes sense but it was nothing too earth shattering.

Then the 3rd chapter came and hit me like a ton of bricks. It talks about Eve and her sin in the Garden. The first thing that really stuck out to me was how it points out that yes, Eve was persuaded into eating the fruit but it also says that "then she gave it to Adam, who was standing there with her." So there's Adam seeing his wife do this AND HE DOES NOTHING. It really got me thinking, isn't that typical?! The guy sees the girl falling into trouble and just stands by and watches it all happen. HE DOESN'T FIGHT FOR HER. And isn't that what every girl wants? To feel worthy of being fought for? I think so.

The chapter continues by talking about the "Fallen Eve" and how we as women take on one of two different defensive mechanisms of some kind. One is to be controlling and the other is to be desolate. For me, I am the controlling one. The book described me perfectly.
After getting hurt the controlling one refuses to be vulnerable. Check. She guards her heart against everyone including God. Check. She has to be in control of every situation for fear that things wont get done. Check. She blocks out any type of meaningful relationship for fear of being let down yet again. Check. She doesn't take risks for fear of being rejected. Check.
A little over a year ago I went through the most painful series of events in my life. (Most of you know alot of about this.) In response to that pain I turned into the controlling Fallen Eve. I pretty much said screw you to everyone in my life and especially to God. The next year following those events I was the epitome of controlling Eve. I hate the person I was. I don't even know who she was at all. The crazy thing is after all of that, it all went away when I came back to God. That's how I know things happen for a reason. When I had pushed God away I felt a void. I started trying to fill that void with other things but it was never completely filled until I let God back in.

My favorite verse is Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART, for it affects everything you do." For me I take that a little too seriously I think. At some point you have to let down our guard and let people in.

To me, being vulnerable is being weak. I hate that I think that way. I wish I could think of it as being honest. Without honesty where would we be? That's something I have to work on.

The desolate Fallen Eve is too vulnerable. She's needy and almost weak. Definitely not me.

The question is: How do we stop from turning into either of these Fallen Eves? Can we?

I'm trying to be nice

As my sister and I are laying in bed talking about politics I have realized one thing: some people are very very passionate about politics. I for one, am not. I believe that voting is one of the most powerful things anyone can do and i have strong feelings about alot of the issues at hand in this election but i am nowhere near as pumped about politics as some.

A couple days ago I posted a note on Facebook about my political views and I've been overwhelmingly pleased at the responses. I was very careful not to say anything negative about the candidate I am NOT supporting, but was still kinda expecting a debate or some backlash from it. I have received nothing but support and encouragement from what i said.

Below is what i wrote on facebook:

So, I'm not really overly verbose about my polical standpoints and i tend to keep my opinions on politics to myself to avoid an arguement but this time I'm really passionate about this election.

In the 2008 election I am fully supporting John McCain and Sarah Palin.

I understand by writing this I may be opening a can of worms and inviting ridicule but I really dont care. I do not look at anyone differently at all because of who they vote for. Some of my very best friends are Osam- i mean- Obama supporters. Everyone has their own opinions and it is their right to have them. And all I ask is that you respect my opinions the way I respect yours. I'm not a huge follower of politics and I certainly don't know every detail of each candidates platform but i do know the ones that care about the most. I don't believe that you will ever agree with every single view of any candidate but if you know which ones are most important to you and find a candidate that feels the same way you do then there you go.

A few of my biggest cares are:

education: While Obama is trying to lower college tuitions which is every college students dream come true, McCain is making more money available and lower interest rates. By making more money available it allows students to still pay for their education. I've come to realize that if you pay your own money for something you value it a little more. I think that Obama is giving students the easy way to do college, while McCain is proving that life is hard but you need to be equipped with the knowledge of how to overcome those diversities.

abortion: I am pro-life all the way. Obama supports abortion and that literally makes my stomach ache. McCain supports other options after birth and more accessible adoption plans, his being an adoptive father himself. Ronald Reagan said "I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born." How would you feel if your mother had aborted you? Exactly, you wouldn't know because you wouldn't be here.

gay marriage: I know this is testy, and i'm probably going to get burned for this but I am against gay marriage. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. I know you've heard that one before but its true. Marriage is between one man and one woman, take it back to the anatomy of your body. it's pretty obvious why God created your body the way he did. Being a Christian and knowing what God had planned for marriage there is no way I could support gay rights. Obama is against gay marriage but supports civil unions. To me, thats a cop-out. Complete BS. What's the difference? None. If Obama was really the " strong christian" he says he is, he would know what God had to say about the issue. McCain is against it. It's that simple. I agree.

Immigration: Obama wants to provide illegal aliens with the same opportunites as citizens and wants to make it easier for them to be in our country. McCain wants to close the borders. I don't know about you but being a resident of Arizona this is something I deal with on an everyday basis. I understand that America is better than Mexico but if you want to come here do it the right way. They are not helping our economy at all despite what some like to say. And the fact that illegal immigrants are getting better financial aid for college than I am is crap.

Health Care: Obama wants easier access to healthcare; AKA raise our taxes to pay for other peoples healthcare. McCain believes is restructuring health care plans so that every person at their particular stage of life can pick their own coverage and afford it.

Taxes: Obama wants to raise taxes to help the government. McCain does not. I don't want more of my paycheck to be taken out to pay for the governments mistakes, thanks.

Gun control: Obama wants to regulate it. McCain supports private gun ownership. Our founding fathers thought guns were important enough to put into our Constitution and our country is based on our Constitution. I'll stick with the foundations.

There are many issues at hand and some I support Obama's viewpoints, but there are too many things that are important to me that I don't agree with.

I also have a hard time trusting a man who was raised Muslim being the leader of our country and the fact that most of his campaign funding was from an "anonymous source" traced back to Suadi Arabia.

John McCain bleeds Red, White, and Blue. He has devoted his enitre life to serving this country.
Obama had only been in the Senate for 143 days when he announced his run for presidency. John McCain has 26 years in Congress, 22 years of military service including 1,966 days in captivity as a POW. I'm pretty sure McCain has a little more experience.

I also am totally bugged by the fact that Obama has become a fashion statement. Younger generations are going to be persuaded simply by who their favorite actor is or what they think is "cool" instead of looking up the facts. Being a first time voter myself and a trend analyis as I like to call myself, I really had to look up the facts in precaution of just following the trend, and I am not a trend follower, I'm a trendsetter :) haha. But seriously.

So that's my politcal views. They aren't indepth and I don't want a debate or anything, I just needed to get it all out and voice my opinion.

I believe that either candidate will be able to run our country, but I strongly believe that one will run it better.

So therefore on November 4th, you will see me wearing a John McCain shirt and checking the box next to his name.


Thanks for the encouragement everyone :)

my first post :)

God has given me the passion of writing. I love expressing myself through putting my thoughts into words. I carry a notebook around with me to jot down notes or quotes or ideas i receive throughout the day and they usually just stay in the notebook that no one else gets to read. So I have decided to start a blog and fill it with random thoughts, or personal things I'm going through. I will continue to keep my notebook (it's sort of a security thing, weird i know) but now i will just transfer those things from the book to here to share with all of you.

This blog will also be somewhat of an outlet for me. Things always seem to get better after I write them out so this is going to be a kind of cheap therapy foe me. Ha :)

Well here we go.